THIS. IS. SHIT.

I WENT TO SMITH'S MARKETPLACE YESTERDAY TO GET SOME CEREAL. I BOUGHT SOME OFF-BRAND HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS WITH STRAWBERRIES. THIS IS WHAT I GOT.


NOTICE ANYTHING WEIRD ABOUT THIS BAG??

I DO.

THERE IS NOT A SINGLE DAMN STRAWBERRY IN THE WHOLE THING. WTF SMITH'S MARKETPLACE! YOU SCREWED ME. YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU SCREWED ME.

YOU BETTER BELIEVE I WILL EAT MOST OF EACH BAG THEN TAKE THEM BACK FOR A REFUND. SUCK IT SMITH'S.

CAN'T DECIDE WHICH CEREAL TO BUY? NOW YOU HAVE HELP.

all you indecisive folk out there, your life just became 1000 times easier...or at least when it comes to cereal selection. big ups to Geekologie(www.geekologie.com) for posting this. i am stoked on it. and it's pretty right on.

WHAT THE HELL DOES A RED BALLOON HAVE TO DO WITH THE IRISH?

hearts stars horseshoes clovers and blue moons. pots of gold and rainbows. and the red balloon.(typed from memory).

when i was a kid, there were a few cereals i rarely got, begged my mom for aaalllll the time, and when she obliged me and my siblings, we ravenged that box in a matter of hours. one of those cereals was lucky charms. i can see why parents don't why to buy this for their kids. it's obvious. frosted sugar pieces of some type of bleached processed mutant grain, and dehydrated food colored astronaut/space friendly marshmallows. a nutritionists dream. i can hear my insides screaming in horror. i used to kill for lucky charms as a kid. i would punch my friends in the face at a sleepover, over who got the last bowl of lucky charms. they are a godsend for a kid looking for that saturday morning sugar rush, fuel to driving everyone else in the house crazy.

nowadays my thoughts towards this cereal has changed. grain prices must be up, and marshmallow prices(is this traded on the stock market?) must me down, because they have made the cereal bits smaller, and even fewer, and increased the number of mallows. which some people might be fond of, but it's not really my thing. towards the end of my breakfast i ended up just eating spoonfuls of marshmallows, which my inner 10 year old did with glee, but it was not enough to override the desire for more actual cereal. its 9 am i don't need this kind of sugar. it is ridiculous. i literally feel like i just did a few lines of cocaine i am so hyper. and then by my third class i am falling asleep.

i do have to give props to my homeys over at malt-o-meal for making 'marshmallow mateys'.(shout out to brooke) a cereal that to me has a more proper proportion of mallows-to-cereal. i can actually stand eating it every once in a while.

a word to general mills, up the cereal count, and the size of the cereal pieces. and do not increase the size of the mallows(you did this you idiots). there are enough. too many. i know your market isn't adults, but you lost a diehard fan. i will not be buying your cereal any more. good day.

ps-the leprachaun "lucky" is a creepy bastard. look at this pic. the shadows on his eyes/forehead. not someone i want my kids frolicking in the woods with. i don't like him. he is the cause of my night terrors.

pps- the milk turns blue when you eat it. gross or awesome? i can never decide..

THIS BOWL IS A TIME MACHINE

when i was a kid, my favorite part about the weekends was waking up, pouring a bowl or two of my favorite cereals, sitting on my living room couch and watching TV for about 2 hours or until my mom would make me do some chores. rocko's modern life, ren and stimpy, xmen, spiderman, guts, bugs bunny; it was the best way to recoup from a week at school and to start off a saturday before going off with my friends.

i am 21 years old and my life is very different than those carefree days long gone. i never wanted to be an adult, and now that i am one my sentiments towards my position have not changed. between financial stresses, school, my future, dealings with girls, my mind is overloaded with the weight of the world sitting pretty on my shoulders.

but i take solace in the fact that most saturday mornings i will sleep in, get out of bed, stay in my pjs and pour myself a big bowl of my favorite cereal. nothing is more therapeutic. I usually proceed with watching of an episode or two of it's always sunny, mad men or arrested development, and i can't help but get taken back to those carefree moments of my youth, if only for a half hour. more than a convenient delicious meal, there is nostalgia and comfort in this bowl of cereal. it is a time machine. taking me back to those days i miss so much. the combination of cereal, pajamas, sitting cross legged on my couch and quality television is one that is timeless and perfect. alas, the calls of life start to beckon me on, but i feel ready to face its call. i am fully recharged.

DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT TOTAL

the "tourette's guy", a Youtube celeb, once told his son to and i quote: "DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT TOTAL." I have to wholeheartedly agree with this wise, wise man. i mean come on. tastes as good as other cereals...AND it has 100% of 12 vitamins and minerals! GOOD LORD. i don't know of many cereals that can say that. i mean honestly HOW HARD is it to make ALL cereals have 100% of 11 vitamins and minerals? if Total can do it, why can't Lucky Charms?

i don't know how many of you are up on the Total Crew, but they have stepped their shit up in the different flavors department. I'm talking about Honey Clusters, Blueberry Pomegranate, Cinnamon Crunch(doesn't taste as good as cinn toast crunch..but what does?), Cranberry Something, along with your standard raisin bran and corn flakes. all with at least 100% of 11 vitamins. SHIT. i can just imagine some dude in the factory walking by each tub of flour stirring up with other ingrediants and dumping a few bottles of One-A-Day vitamin pills into each vat.

STEP YOUR GAME UP OTHER CEREALS. TOTAL HAS YOU SHOOK WITH GOOD TASTING CEREALS THAT ARE KEEPING ME HEALTHIER THAN THE REST OF YOU DORKS.

COOOOOOOKKIIEEEEE CRISP

Talk about a cereal that has it "goin' on". First off, kudos to the creator of this cereal. You just made a semi healthy breakfast food that resembles both in look, and taste to a food that most people, and especially kids LOVE to eat. Well done. I mean, I'm all mad that i have to wake up to be at work at 6am, but to help brighten my morning, i get to look down at my cereal bowl and think to myself "holy shit, i get to eat 1,000 little cookies right now. my life is way less shitty than it was 5 minutes ago." So not only do i get an aestetically pleasing cereal, full of cute little chocolate chip cookies, but it tastes rreeaaally good. I mean it doesn't taste exactly like dipping a fresh baked cookie in some milk or something like that, but it does kind of taste like cookies, which is really all you can expect from anyone. oh and it has some baby chips on them which make the milk taste a little chocolatey, which is big bonus of any cereal. this is a cereal that tastes really good, looks good, and the thought of eating it helps get my lazy ass out of bed to go to work in the morning.

maybe their new slogan should be:

"cookie crisp. mini cookie cereal. forget for a second how shitty your life is."

you're welcome cookie crisp.

THE MINI-WHEATS FAMILY

thanks to a sale at my local smith's grocery store, i was able to pick up most of the mini-wheats family, and give them all a try. i like mini-wheats. mini-wheats is awesome because it tastes great, fills you up for a long time, and is decently healthy for you. on the other hand I NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH MILK TO USE. ITS EITHER TOO LITTLE, AND THE CEREAL IS TOO DRY, OR TOO MUCH AND YOU WASTE MILK. UGHHHH. moving on...



Original(the OG)(Bite Size):

a great cereal. love it. healthy enough that your mom bought it all the time, but is still delicious. it's filling, sweet, frosted, there isn't really anything bad i can say about it(other than the milk thing addressed earlier). a timeless classic cereal, that will constantly be on my purchase rotation for years to come.

Maple and Brown Sugar:

i really like maple. on pancakes, or maple/brown sugar oatmeal. this version of mini-wheats tastes a lot like a maple/brown sugar oatmael, but by proxy, its a mini-wheat. a good change of pace from regular mini-wheats. would buy again. pretty much tastes like they drizled syrup in my bowl. im into it. i wouldn't say better than the OG, but it is a close second when talking about mini-wheats.

Cinnamon Strussel:

I was hoping for a cinnamon-toast-crunch-esque cinnamon flavor, but this one was kind of lacking. yeah it was a little cinnamon-y, but not enough to make me buy it again, or to greatly set the flavor apart from regular, and it kind of tasted like a weak version of the maple mini-wheats. i was a bit let down by these. not terrible by any means...but not that different. the title made it sound like it would be incredible. they were just ok.

Strawberry Delight:

no. just no. not into it. i love cereals that are REALLY fake fruit(pepples, trix etc) and i LOOOVE cereal that has dried fruit in it, but this pseudo-fake strawberry frosting stuff was just not my thing. no thanks.

ps-too many pictures...dont want to clutter this up too much. love: cereal is life staff.

A CHILDHOOD FAVORITE REVISITED

nostalgia is bittersweet. you can't go back, but you long for those carefree days. for me, cereal is a way to eat breakfast like a kid, and therefore start your day acting like a kid...which is normally how i continue through the whole day. my favorite cereal as a kid was rice krispies treats cereal. the big hunks of marshmellowy goodness, tasted just like the dessert my mom used to make, without her slaving over a hot microwave for 15 minutes. i recently attended a 'cereal party' at a friends house and got re-aquanted with my old friend, and after 3-4 bowls of kripie treats cereal, and popping in aladdin on the tv...i felt like i was 7 all over again. i still love this cereal. it has such a great flavor, it really tastes just like the baked good. doesnt get to soggy in milk, and you get big and small pieces. the fusion of the rice kripies, with the marshmellows in a beutiful ballet, results in the hunks of krispie treats that tantalize my taste buds. i will always love this cereal no matter how old i get.

i can't be a kid anymore, but a bowl of rice krispy treats cereal in the morning is a good way to feed my inner child.

I've been reviewing cereals for over 12 years now

When I was 8, at a trip to Universal Studios in Florida, a an on the sidewalk asked me if i wanted to try some cereals, and give him my opinion of them. I have some alphabets cereal with marshmallows, and some lucky charms, and told him which i liked more and why. From what i remember i liked the alphabets cereal, telling him it was crunchier and i liked that i could spell things. i received a check in my mailbox about 3 weeks after my vacation for $5 from the cereal people for my input.

i need to figure out a way to make some money off this again.

RIP

i know you're in heaven smiling down on me.

I HATE LITTLE KIDS IN CEREAL COMMERICALS PART 1

WHY are little kids in cereal commercials such little brats. What is the world coming to? I give you my first piece of evidence:

(STARTS AT 30 SECONDS)


HE EVENS ASKS NICELY "MAY I HAVE SOME". AND THEY SAY NO. WTF.

THEN HE TELLS EVERYONE HOW DEPRESSED HE IS "AND I'M SADDER THAN EVER" AND THEY STILL WON'T POUR HIM A BOWL. WHAT KIND OF PARENTING IS GOING ON HERE?

They won't share their trix, just because he is a Rabbit(HATE CRIMES??) and they make this poor Rabbit depressed. Is it too much for these kids to just let him have some?! SILLY RABBIT TRIX ARE FOR KIDS HAHAHAHA F*CK YOU!

i'm never having kids.

HONEYCOMB, THE LIGHT BEER OF CEREALS

I really like Honeycomb. Everything about eating it I enjoy, except for the fact that I have to fill up a trough tp get enough cereal. IT JUST WILL NOT FILL ME UP. When I bought the box I am currently eating, I was so stoked that it was so big, and it was only 2 bucks. Unfortunately the cereal is so light you HAVE to eat 2-3 bowls, or fill up a giant tupper-ware(this is no joke i do this) to have a filling breakfast. So now, I thought I was getting a good deal, but this big box is emptying quickly. Which is why I say Honeycomb:

For the great taste that won't fill you up...HONEYCOMB.

THE HIPPIES FINALLY GOT SOMETHING RIGHT

Today I have to stop bagging on hippies and 'granola' people in general. They finally started pulling their weight in this world and I cannot be happier with what they have produced. I may even join their ranks, and after you try this cereal you may want to hop on the bandwagon. So put on your hiking boots, stop shaving, grab your backpack and pack a bowl....of this delicious Trail Mix Crunch Cereal; Cranberry Vanilla style. I tried this cereal by the grace of my roommate who bought a double pack at Sam's club and let me have some(thanks Jer) and I was VERY VERY impressed.

First off the box was like 10 pounds. No Joke. This is one of the heaviest cereals ever, which translates to me into being filling cereal and it definitely sticks with you for longer than most cereals. This cereal combines a granola style cereal plus almond slices, and is mixed with clusters like you might find in Honey Bunches of Oats. Plus you get some dehydrated cranberries in the mix. The flavor is straight up vanilla, but it isn't an overbearing flavor, allowing the vanilla and the cranberry flavors to mix quite nicely. The mixture of the cranberries, the clusters, the vanilla, and the milk just is fantastic. Great texture, great flavor. Plus it is good to just grab a handfull for a little snack, which always rules. This is one of my favorite new cereals. I am stoked on it. In fact i may even have a bowl right now.

I think i am going to change my major to landscape architecture, grow some dreds and date a girl named Sage.

LIES LIES LIES

The new Apple Jacks advertising campaign bring in to question whether Apples, or Cinnamon is the commanding flavor of this cereal. In the commercial, they the proclaim that "CinnaMon(the rasta cinnamon stick character) knows that kids love the sweet cinnamon taste of Apple Jacks". It's not called cinnamon jacks. WTF. So I look on the side of the box, both Apple Juice concentrate and Cinnamon are key ingredients. So who do i choose? I just really don't know. So i eat a few bowls. I am still torn. Then I take another look at the box and realize:

A) This cereal is really bad for me
B) The main ingredient, in front of any grain(and FAR above apples or cinnamon) is SUGAR.

After having a few more bowls i realize this cereal just tastes like sugar. At this point I am instantly bummed. Apple and CinnaMon have no chance here. they are back 10-15 ingredients on this box. The Sugar in Apple Jacks overpowers the taste of anything else, and after a few more bowls, i realized that this cereal isn't nearly as good as i thought it was when i was a kid. I am actually a bit let down. If you like to eat crunchy sugar O's then disregard this and eat up. If you want a cereal that truly mixes the Delicious flavors of Apples and Cinnamon....then PLEASE buy some Apple Cinnamon Cheerios. They are so much better tasting. SIGH. Lied to again.

PS-My box didn't have a cool Xbox toy either.